Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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