those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
