Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
