Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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