idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
