I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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