Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
