he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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