i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
