we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
