I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
