me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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