bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
