my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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