never play flip cup with pint glasses
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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