I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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