O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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