my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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