I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Randomize
