I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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