He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
