i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
