There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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