im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
