I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
