her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
