my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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