The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
