I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize