his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
