halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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