someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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