You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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