you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
