lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
