google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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