mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize