No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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