I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
