I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
