Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
