If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
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Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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