xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
