I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
