wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
jump out the window naked night went bad
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
