Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
