Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
