it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
