I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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