I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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