my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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