ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
