I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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