I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
