Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nutella sex= disaster
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
