I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
