I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
