Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
