I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
