dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
