i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
