he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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