she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
