hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
