its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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