bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Mom said you looked used
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
