i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
