you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
