I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
