you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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