Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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