grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
