Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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