ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
