his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
