me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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